I Had Brainwashing, Filthy Rich, Destructive Parents (and Obviously Think Nlp Will Help Absolve Some of My Challenges with This!)

I like these forums. Chris morris is spot on (it seems). Derren brown I first learned about his 2nd book here (after devouring his first and listenign ot audio book, practically rereading) and nlp is pretty snazzy helpful at times.

Thus, I was doing this cathartic, self-journaling, autobio post to myself and realized it might useful to plug in some nlp techinques here (NOTE: if this is inappropriate for this forum I understand) just realized some NLP techniques could help achieve some goals possibly. nice.

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I grew up spoiled. My parents were/are filthy (emphasis on the filthy) rich. Some might dream of how nice that would be, but trust for me, for the reasons I will propound, it is the opposite of a walk in the park. Having rich parents can be the most dismal, life-locked, frightening, ensnared, lost, confused, hellish random aspect of your life. Here’s why it was all that and more to me.

I don’t know where to so start, but this comes to mind as a signficant "starting point" so I’ll start at 16. When I was 16 I:
1. lost my virginity (realizing sex wasn’t as big of a deal AT ALL as movies made it out to be).
2. finally taught martial arts after 6 years as a student ( a significant reality-changing experience)
3. broke 5-minutes in the mile (a huge achievement at the time)
4. took a seminar that encouraged out-of-the-box thinking (kind of the spark)

that made me realize that my biological parents offered little or ZERO value or learnings to me. I for the first time in my life didn’t like at my parents as Ms. and Mr. God, but as people that I had learned everything they have to teach.

I can only imagine how many great things I would’ve done if I had continued with all tha AWESOME 1-2-3-4 momentum. Olympics (well prob not that far, but good stuff), MAssive career success (likely) Constant health alignment great relationships (definitely). Few of those happens and I blame almost entirely (and I have blamed my self inducing Heinous amounts of guilt and shame and fear) my parents.

My parents were heinous when I first criticized their parenting. I said they were trying to raise a "perfect familY". The so harshly and verbally criticized nad mocked me because of that to do this day saying what I called I called them "perfect family" I cringe. They said I had been brainwashed by the seminar, but in reality, it was they who had brainwashed me for 16 years. I have many years of hindsight and can see this. As my godfather said, you can’t brainwash someone in a few days, but you can in over a dozen years. My parents had over a dozen years. They tried to sue the leader of the seminar (who, in reality, had little to do with my realization that my parents were people whom I had outrgrown) and I "moved out"….

But as a kid who has parents that are filthy rich. "moved out" was the house next door that my parents bought (which was kind of given to them by the neighbors, but yeah). So for the remainder of highschool 16-18 and whenever I came home from college 18-22ish, I lived in this pseudo house-next-door to my parents house. It was a moratirum because I didn’t earn a dime, but some elements felt like "I was living on my own’ FAR FROM it.

And this is where we come full circle and I reveal why rich (especially brainwashing cult-leader parents) parents are the worst situation for a kid. I never learned how to earn. 

I was a spoiled rotten kid. Spoiled, spoiled, spoiled. I still don’t earn much at all. I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO EARN. THAT IS WHY having rich parents is devastatingly brutal!!!

So…. That’s my opening of my parental angst, fear, stuff I need to graduate from, dilemma, etc.

And thus it was at 16 that my family became dysfunctional

At 16 my parents berated, criticized, emotionally abused me and from then on they vacillated from this manic hell of people whom I convinced myself I loved and people whom I loathed and hated and couldn’t bloody stand and were like bullies.

Indeed, a lot of my success in life were because of my father’s emotional bullying. Additionally, I realized I was so lost in college (yet another thing that got force-fed to me by my parents, even though I love learning, I disliked college), because my father ENJOYs/ed discombobulating, confusing, making people get what they Don’t want. 

He has probably said to me close to a hundred times. We don’t care what you want! Tha’s classic brainwashing behavior. Telling a person that you aren’t doing what you’re doing. And then when my brother (who escaped the zero-earning hellish confusion that I was enslaved in for years) says he is going to be a doctor my dad always goes a Doctor??? And shakes his head (in the "no" ,negation headshake) and he always says he doesn’t care what we do…pffft he obviously disapproved of that.

And that’s what I grew up iwth. Deciet, lies. My mother says she has NEVER lied about anything . Do you know that stastically the probability of that is much less than 1%? 

I have told white lies and I consider myself very honest. But I know I have not, not lied.

Anyway…this is important aside from griping from the past because I am having difficulty earning. And I never learned.

Additionally, I realized I loathe one of my uncles. This is strange because for awhile I wanted to live with him and my aunt thinking they’d make these great parents but my uncle is a ******. My other uncle who has three daughters (my cousins) that swim is pretty good though.

Anyway…..

This is important NOW in life because 
1)I need to earn and my parents in the past have been direct (my father ridiculing business ideas I’ve had, or insulting them or trying to to convince me they wouldn’t work, through college — if you’ve seen Lord of the Rings, I am not The kind of the horse people or rohan, but if I were, my father would be wormtongue, poisoning confidence and spirit and clarity). But he’s been so effective that to I still sometimes think I love him and I sitll do about some things, true. but I also know that he was one of the most destructive people in my life. true. bollocks. 

2) I have a LOT of anger at my parents. A lot of it is spent. screamed. fumed. at them. at journals. at exercise. but I want "healhty closure". My own dad had unhealthy closure with his parents. He talked about them to a shrink in his 20s and he has so much mommy-daddy issue stuff (which I’ve called him on before) that he can’t even mention his parents (whom are now dead), but my extended family is very lopsided because in his endeavor to "severe his past" my dad only introduced us to his parents. I never knew anyone else other than my dad’s parents form his side of biofam. (no uncles, cousins, nothing from my dads side). so my dad has unhealthy closure. He can’t talk about his parnets because of bottled ****. I dknow I don’t have that, but I want closure and a closure so I can be like "yeah oath this, this is the way it was, it sucked because of xyz, it was great because of xyz1" now i’ve evolved to abc". In short, no longer impacted by past — not numb to it but "graduated" from the brainwashing cult hell of my parents (I’ve defined my father has demonic and bullying nad my mother as icy before).

3) I’ve noticed in the small wedged, pathetically small space of self-identity surrounded by ferocious hounds of hellish brainwahsing of my parents as I was growing up (nice image eh?!) that….there was a schism at 16. I realized I didn’t need my parents (only it was only a half a dozen years later that I was able ot piece together that that’s what happened. I just was total honesty then and told them EVERYTHING, the WORST thing to do to toxic people by teh way) for learning . And since that day that’s been true, but I needed them for money and bloody hell I wish they didn’t help me out with money back then because it just got harder and more confusing to earn later in life. anyways. this 3rd problem with folks is too complex 1)need to earn, they incapacitated earning endeavors and thwarted and never taught. 2)residual anger want to healthily relinquis hadn create healthy closure and 3) I didn’t get along with my parents to SUCH A HUGE degree and they were so "engulfing, no, CULT-LIKE, yes!" about immediate family that I had no space, so I started using "biological parents" about 4 years ago at earliest and regularly about 2 years ago because so many parts of me, on a cellular level, emotionally, my very being was NOT congruent with those ******* imbeciles being my parents!! I was like they can’t be! Thus, they’re biological parents, and indeed 3 years go 

4) in almost a decade after 16, I’ve sought tons of mother and father figures. TONs. Mainly fahter figures, but some mothe rfigures too. I didn’t realize this was because my family became dysfunctional when I was 16. I was so desperate for not so much affection, but "learnign" a dad to take me out and teach me how to make a fire in the woods and outdoorsy stuff. The most my father ever inquired is "do you want to go out to dinner’ I was just anothe client. He took all his clients out to dinner. He liked gay *** ******* retarded restaurants and I deluded myself that going out sitting down and ordering pasta and eating it while waiting for refills on water and the check was actually something FUN. That’s all my father ever invited me to do "with him" as "father-son" time. pathetic (actually just recently i’ve done a few shrink sessions iwth my two parnets, moi, and a shrink, which I suggested almsot a decade ago) and we played a board game, but other than, that pathetic. The way I see, i Never had a dad. My mom was more like a dad (she played more sports and stuff). I never learned from my dad and boy did I ask him. How do I earn? How cna I get a job? I always wanted to see him work. To see my dad at work in action!! 

5) I hate and am self-critical of how I think my dad is a pathetic failure sack of ****. I DISLIKE that I evaluate him that way and I’ve tried to look at him and genuinely hae looked at him as successful and incredibly smart and he may very well be to some people, but he let me done with the Important things. The stuff that a dad should do with their son, he never did that. (He did do a stock contest once and I’ll give him credit it for that, that was slightly didactic, but it was something you’d do with a business, certainly not father-son time). I remember building traps as a kid with my youngest brother. It was incredibly fun, (utilizing a lot of mechanical physics). I loved that stuff. THAT’s the type of stuff a dad should’ve been doing with his son. Anyways, I only look at my dad as a failure as a parent. I dislike that and he has a great bunch of positive qualities (very intelligent, manipulative, good at getting peopel to do what he wants (I, funny enough am good at knowing what others want, that’s a demise because that other-person-knowledge often eclipses my own itnerest), making money, My dad is a GENIUS at making money, but he doesnt’ teach me how he does that AT ALL and always says something adrift and ridiculing and evasive like "just get a job" , which I have tried. . so conclusively 5 is I evaluate my father as a father as almost a 99% failure. I am highly critical of him and I think I am so, because he was so highly critical of me, but mostimportantly I DISLIKE that I consider my fathe ra failure. I Would have loved to have a dad that I loved who was a hero (and you can imagine with all this father figure seeking — I have recently in the past year told a person if I thought of them as a fathe rfigure) and taught me valuable lessons. Many successful people seem to have a father figure who "taught them lessons’. I don’t have that, and I dislike that.

6)That’s a pretty good start. To conclude with this opening. I have these grievances and I read Forgive for Good and I want to absolve those grievances. I don’t want to sit down and pow-wow and talk it out with folks becasue I’ve done that For a LONG time and advocated that and they’re just a putrid waste of my time. They’ve intoxicated my life, my future, and plans on such massivley vile and abusive level, I’ve considered suing them (but I’d lose because they could afford better laywers). IF you can believe it, as a whallopping bit of insanity icing on this ludicrous hell situation is I’m currently in a situation where I’m "sort of" living with htem. after living either in apartments they paid for or in dorms for most of the time since 16…

okay.

conclusisve synopsis of grievances:
1) they never taught me to earn and sabogatged my earning, I spoiled myself rotten with them being rich and am not as knowledgeable as want to be with earning.

2) residual anger at bioparents want to absolve. 

3) this biological parents "couldn’t possibly be my parents’ ( I have investigated blood type to see if I was adopted) thing is very open and hellish and I am old enough to be a bloody parent and tha’ts crazy. This has also caused me to "flee" portions of my life and travel sporadically to "find my true family" Although I never really called it that. Sounds like a nice thing to do but it’s hell. I don’t want to "find my true family" (you end up projecting things onto peopel that don’t exist, it’s bad times) nor mend my biological one at all. I just want to work on me, preventing me from doing toxic things, and absolving grievances of past.

4) Saught mother and fathe rfigures but never acknowledged nor shared this until recently.

5) I wish I could look at him in another light, but I evaluate my biological father as a disgusting brainwashing , cult-leader failure piece of ****. I WISH I had a dad I looked up to and liked and I learned valuable things from. I could re-evaluate my dad (as I have many times) and only focus on the things he taught (and he did teach some things) tha twere interesting. But I don’t see my dad as a hero at all. I see him as a pathetic, frightened lost person who controls people and eanrs a lot of money and emotionally is an infant and lost. I dislike that but would like to absolve that and not be at peace with me dad but moreso be at piece with how I evaluate him (which is crtiically and in a negative light). I htink this one is so big because being critical of a parent was like "blasphemous’ in my immediate family and unheard of.

6)relinquish other grievances.

okay then.

I Had Brainwashing, Filthy Rich, Destructive Parents (and Obviously Think Nlp Will Help Absolve Some of My Challenges with This!)

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